Author's note: This posting is NOT an update on nanny payroll or nanny taxes - just a story I felt compelled to share.I have received several of what I call "Dear Abby" emails in the last several days that have me musing on relationships. Two stand out in my mind.
One was from a foreign born, but legal, English speaking nanny with 10 years experience. She started with her current employer 2 years ago when their baby was about 3 months old. This nanny works 9 - 10 hour days, and lives in a major metropolitan area where her public transportation commuting is another hour or more a day. The family recently added a new baby - wonderful, right? The nanny waited through mom's maternity leave, and then cautiously asked about a raise for taking care of the new baby. The parents came back with a $25 per week raise - 4% - her first raise in 2 years.
(This nanny was hired at the lower end of the area salary spectrum - probably in the 25th percentile two years ago.) These people - the family and the nanny - are in a relationship, whether they realize it or not. This nanny is miserable. She loves the little ones - they are like adopted grandchildren in her eyes. She doesn't know what to do - her bus fare, food bills, and health insurance have gone up year over year, and $25 before taxes doesn't even keep her whole. She emailed for advice.
What can I say? Should the family have been proactive in addressing the wage issue over two years - yes, of course, but what is done is done. Should her raise after two years and an additional infant be more than 4% - probably. Is the family otherwise happy with her services - presumably, otherwise wouldn't they have said something? This relationship with the nanny is a key component in keeping their family ship on course. Both parents are attorneys - their email addresses are among the best in town. This nanny has simply given up, and is looking for another job.
Another was from a mother who reports a dramatic change in the family's financial landscape. Her husband, who is a free lancer, has had a dramatic loss of income this year. The mother, who works from home, is doing fine - but not well enough to cover the mortgage, the nanny, the part time housekeeper, etc. A familiar story - especially I suspect to many displaced Wall Street types. The mother adores the nanny, and felt bad because she hired this nanny less than a year ago, convincing her to relocate for them. In a nutshell, she felt that by letting the nanny go she was breaking her word. Facts, though, could not be avoided. This family choose to give the nanny a month's notice, and have offered to allow her to continue living in their home for up to 6 months while she searches for another position. The nanny is naturally disappointed, but completely understands the financial realities and is very grateful that she is not being shown the door. An educated, career nanny in her early 30's, she will land on her feet. She appreciates, however, that she has the leisure to find a good match, not just the first place to lay down her head.
Both nanny/family relationships are ending - but what a difference in style. Nanny #1 is totally unable to engage in a conversation with her employers while these same employers are paying zero attention to the relationship themselves. I often see these situations, where nanny feels powerless, fearful, frozen when she really should be engaged in discussions - a classic disparity in power in the relationship. This family is going to lose their nanny, and they don't even see it coming.
Nanny #2 on the other hand is working through the transition with her employers, the lines of communication are open on BOTH ends, and her ability to secure a good future position is enhanced because she has a glowing reference and a demonstrated ability to work with the family together to meet every one's needs.
Early in my business career, a mentor gave me some advice that was worth more than many of the courses I took at my prestigious northeastern university. "Treat people like fine clothing," he advised. "When you are finished with them or they go out of style, fold them up neatly and put them away. You never know when they will come back in style." Excellent advice for nannies and their employers in my mind.
