Saturday, April 01, 2006
Nannies and Parents: The Discipline Question
Survey any 5 families and you will find vastly different 'theories' and 'practices' on discipline. From time-outs to spanking, a stern talking-to to negotiation to removing privileges. Eveyone thinks they know the best answer.
Children, however, need CONSISTENT discipline. This means that parents and nanny need to be on the same page, use the same messages and processes, and consistently enforce the same rules.
ABSOLUTE RULE: Nanny should NEVER physically punish a child in his/her care. NEVER. Parents may feel a swat on the bum is fine, but the nanny should NEVER engage in this!
Tension between parents and caregivers results when there is no agreement on discipline, and the children pay the price. A common scenario is the nanny who enforces the rules and keeps everything on a even keel all week, then come weekend the kids don't do their chores, eat what they shouldn't, jump on the beds, and so on without consequence. Come Monday morning Nanny has to start all over again. Why? Mom and Dad often cite job stresses and the need to 'relax' on the weekend as reasons for their lax enforcement. Being the 'enforcer' is not fun, ask any stay-at-home-mom, but it IS necessary.
This story can easily go the other direction - Mom and Dad have rules about appropriate snack food for example, or TV viewing limits, and nanny disregards these rules of the house.
In any event, successful child rearing requires consistency; Parents, talk to your nanny about discipline issues as they arise. Everyone should be free to suggest responses, then one gets picked and everyone enforces it!
Former INA Nanny of the Year Michelle LaRowe has recently published
Nanny to the Rescue!, a wonderful resource for parents and nannies for dealing with this and other common child rearing challenges.
Children, however, need CONSISTENT discipline. This means that parents and nanny need to be on the same page, use the same messages and processes, and consistently enforce the same rules.
ABSOLUTE RULE: Nanny should NEVER physically punish a child in his/her care. NEVER. Parents may feel a swat on the bum is fine, but the nanny should NEVER engage in this!
Tension between parents and caregivers results when there is no agreement on discipline, and the children pay the price. A common scenario is the nanny who enforces the rules and keeps everything on a even keel all week, then come weekend the kids don't do their chores, eat what they shouldn't, jump on the beds, and so on without consequence. Come Monday morning Nanny has to start all over again. Why? Mom and Dad often cite job stresses and the need to 'relax' on the weekend as reasons for their lax enforcement. Being the 'enforcer' is not fun, ask any stay-at-home-mom, but it IS necessary.
This story can easily go the other direction - Mom and Dad have rules about appropriate snack food for example, or TV viewing limits, and nanny disregards these rules of the house.
In any event, successful child rearing requires consistency; Parents, talk to your nanny about discipline issues as they arise. Everyone should be free to suggest responses, then one gets picked and everyone enforces it!
Former INA Nanny of the Year Michelle LaRowe has recently published
Nanny to the Rescue!, a wonderful resource for parents and nannies for dealing with this and other common child rearing challenges.
